Connection grows when we embrace both giving and receiving support. For military spouses, accepting kindness isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a powerful way to build trust, foster belonging, and create a resilient community.
The Hidden Strength in Receiving Kindness
By: Kari deLongpre, Associate Social Worker, Strength in Service
Kindness is often celebrated as something we give—a way to show care, lighten someone’s load, or foster connection. For many, giving kindness is second nature, offering a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Yet there’s a quieter, often overlooked aspect of kindness that is just as essential to emotional well-being: the ability to receive it.
For military spouses like me, the concept of receiving kindness can feel especially complex. In a lifestyle defined by resilience and self-reliance, accepting help can seem like admitting failure. But in truth, receiving kindness is not only a gift—it is a critical component of building connection and community.
The Challenge of Receiving Kindness
As a military spouse, I’ve moved countless times (seven times to be exact), adapted to new environments, and faced long separations from my spouse. Along the way, I’ve grown used to being the one others rely on—managing my household, supporting my spouse, and keeping things afloat. This often leaves little room for vulnerability, and the thought of accepting help can feel uncomfortable or even embarrassing. Like many military spouses, I’ve often associated strength with independence, believing that I should always be able to manage on my own.
This mindset was tested during a particularly difficult season when my spouse was deployed. I was home alone with our three young children, navigating the endless demands of parenting. Then, sickness began to spread through our household, cycling from one child to the next until it finally hit me. Exhausted and completely depleted, I found myself unable to function.
That’s when a fellow military spouse stepped in. Without hesitation, she came to my home, bathed my children, and tucked them into bed while I lay on the couch, too drained to move. In that moment, her kindness wasn’t just practical—it was transformative. She didn’t judge me or make me feel inadequate; she simply showed up. Her actions reminded me that strength isn’t about doing it all alone—it’s about knowing when to lean on others.
The Power of Connection
That experience was a profound lesson in the importance of receiving kindness. It’s easy to think of connection as something we build by giving, but true connection also requires the vulnerability to receive. When someone shows kindness, they’re offering a chance to trust, lighten each other’s load, and build a stronger connection. By accepting their kindness, we allow that connection to grow.
For military spouses, this kind of connection is essential. Frequent relocations, deployments, and not living near family can leave us feeling isolated and disconnected. But in accepting kindness, we create opportunities to build meaningful relationships. When my friend helped me during that difficult time, she wasn’t just easing my immediate struggles—she was reinforcing the idea that I wasn’t alone, that I was part of a community that cared.
Embracing the Strength in Receiving
Kindness is a two-way street. While giving it can bring joy and fulfillment, receiving it is equally important for building connection and fostering social health. For military spouses, who often shoulder so much, learning to receive kindness is a vital step in creating the kind of community where everyone feels supported and valued.
Looking back on the night my friend came to help with my children, I realize her kindness wasn’t just about getting me through a tough time. It was a powerful reminder of what community really means: people showing up for each other, not because they have to, but because they truly care. I’ve come to understand that accepting kindness is just as meaningful as offering it. When we let others step in to help, we not only ease our own burdens but also strengthen the bonds that create a truly connected and socially healthy community.
If this message speaks to you, connect with us on Instagram @strengthinserviceorg and Facebook @strengthinservice to learn more about building connection, resilience, and social health within the military community. Let’s create a supportive community, together!
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